Current mood:	happy
Entry tags:	balticon 42, con

Balticon 42, Wrap Up
The high points were, as with last year, the author readings. I met more great folks and renewed acquaintance with a few more. My two absolute favorites were the short short slam and Mur's reading (despite the heat and its contribution to my grouch implosion later on that day). The live events I attended came a close, close second. Balticon is the only con I attend with so many readings and my volunteer time is actually spent more on recording them than supporting the podcast programming, which is relatively self sufficient. I love the live events, but they are not unique to Balticon and I know I can look forward to attending or even participating in them at many other conventions, as well.

The low points were my two sour moods, Saturday evening and Sunday afternoon, detailed each in previous posts. This year I worked on my organizational skills as a volunteer, a panelist and a moderator. Next year, I need to work on my poise under fire and maintaining a graceful facade no matter how I may actually feel about a particular situation.

No one likes seeing an irritable volunteer or a grouchy panelist. The programming is for the benefit of the attendees first, the panelists second and the staff/volunteers last. I don't want to be the one anyone remembers from an experience of a particular panel as spoiling it, no matter my personal feelings. I know that may sound self martyring or whatever. It's not. I am happy to bitch and vent out of ear shot. I am just saying I need to keep my cool better when the focus should be on the discussion or event.

On the purely social end of things, I had expected to see very little of my friends but was still disappointed at having that expectation met. There were some notable exceptions. I also realize that my goals at a con, to hone my public speaking in front a live audience, to further the educational aspects of my chosen areas of activism, and to support the creators who mean so much to me, leaves little room for too much socialization. I am learning to temper that with making opportunities outside of cons to see my more far flung friends.

I am also realizing I have mostly outgrown the room party scene. Odd, since I really have only been actively going to cons for a few years. First, my desire for alcohol is driven by my palate, not my need for inebriation. Next, often, when I am a bit wrung out at the end of the day, alcohol is actually the worst thing for it. It rarely does anything to improve my mood. Last, the real thing about drinking that brightens my outlook is the company I usually keep in doing so. Drinking in absence of that comraderie is self defeating. It just seems like a cheap fix when my friends are otherwise occupied and not easily unearthed. It takes some will to realize that coincidental association and not drink out of some cargo cult fetish, trying to recreate mood that requires the presence of my witty, fascinating and fun friends.

The short version is this year's Balticon was at least as good, for me, as last year's. Better in some ways, especially in having some realizations about how to improve my experience while still at the con. I am concerned at some of the drama that went on but that is neither here nor there. I prefer to see how much of that is still actively being discussed by the next con. It all feels so immediate when we are actually going through it, but after some time and distance, much of it just doesn't seem all that important.

My continuing concern is helping andreahg find a way to enjoy the cons more. I don't expect her to enjoy the same aspects I do, we've always been relatively independent, happily splitting up to pursue our own interests and re-connecting as we can throughout the weekend to compare notes or enjoy some quiet time apart. Without the buffer, though, of some level of participation, as an attendee, volunteer or panelist, I think she gets hit much harder by the ful brunt of the social eddies and whirls. Time, as I've said, will temper some of it but it doesn't seem to lessen the bruising from the inevitable buffeting she'll no doubt sustain at the next con.

I have gone to events in the past, independent of her, but that works better as an exception than a rule. I guess that's the only really weighty matter for me to ponder and discuss.